On Grief and Loss

Generally speaking, there are five stages in one's grieving process such as when a loved one is lost. The first one is denial – yes, it is human nature to deny any great loss to us. Sometimes, we simply hope that the situation that brings us grief is unreal. When we begins to accept what has happened is real, our denial will turn to anger. We become angry at ourselves, our loved one and even God. Anger turns subsequently to kind of a bargaining. As we try to get something out of such bargaining, it will take us eventually to sorrow. We're just inundated and baffled with sorrow. This sorrow can and will turn to acceptance of the tragedy later on.

Christians believe that there is always a good reason for why God brings something, including grief into our life. Indeed, no person could be exempted from grief in one's life. So the question really becomes "What can we do to help our friend to overcome their sorrows and grieves?” First, you have the opportunity to help your friends from their pain by assuring that you are still their friend. This is very important. They may have lost a dear loved one, but they haven't lost you as their friend. You haven't abandoned them and hopefully you are going to be there through their grieving process. You were there to listen to their agony or to talk sensitively with them when they wanted to, so that they know that you're going to be there to help them.

Persons at grief are usually confused by their pain and shut up in an imaginary dark world. Nevertheless, as soon as they reenter the world of normal life, you could offer yourself as a bridge to facilitate their reentry into the real world. All it takes is some time and a lot of love and patience. It takes somebody who could and would spend sufficient time with the bereaved to sense their needs, to sympathize with them and comfort them. It takes a friend who will encourage them as well as to do something supportive for them.

It is a great privilege to help one's friend through a tragedy. You have all you need when you have faith in Jesus Christ and are willing to follow His example (remember how our Lord comforted Martha & Mary at Lazarus' funeral, etc…). Let's trust that healing will come from the Lord Jesus if we are willing to be His vessel of mercy. Let's be encouraged by Psalm 48:14: "For this is God, our God forever and ever: He will be our guide, even unto death."

For further reading: see Helping in a Time of Healing